Hard things don't come easy

This one had it coming
This one found a vein
This one was an accident, but never gave me pain
- Stone Sour, Made of Scars

I just sent off a proposal. That always creates a pit in my stomach. Not a deep pit. Not some kind of curl up under the blankets anxiety. Just a low hum of uncertainty until I hear back. I don't like it and I'd rather avoid it. But being able to make estimates, set prices, send a proposal and wait is part of what makes my business work.

Whenever you embark on doing something that you haven't done before or where there are other uncertainties, such as external forces, there is bound to be discomfort. If you embark on all sort of things and never feel discomfort I'm more concerned that you aren't paying attention. And attention is important, intention is important. When I've pushed merrily forward without a care in the world is usually when I've completely missed important things around me. I don't recommend it.

There are things I want to do that I haven't done before. That brings about a fear of failure, some discomfort and a lot of enthusiasm for doing something new. I like doing new things. But the enthusiasm can come and go, it is a finicky kind of fuel. And the discomfort is usually quite persistent. The background hum of putting your neck out, pressing forward into unknown territory or straight up exerting yourself in a new way.

Anything I've done that I look back at and appreciate has had significant discomfort connected to it. Running a startup, yup. Rebuilding a product, oh dear yes. Moving in with my girlfriend, sure. Accepting her proposal and getting married, hoo boy, yes. Moving to the countryside, gaaaaaah. Going into business for myself and staking out a direction. Deciding to press upwards and forwards rather than take the easy work. I could get paid decent money to do very dull work. I'm presently paid better and do more interesting work than when I started.

I wanted all of these. But none of them were trivial to me. Every one of these decisions are made at one point and they impose discomfort before they are made and usually for a significant time after. Sometimes throughout the execution and until it stops being a change.

If you want to achieve things beyond what you are doing right now you are going to need to make changes. Changes take effort and are mentally taxing. Part of this shows up as discomfort. And being able to sit with the discomfort and say "this is okay, this is the change I want to make" rather than fall back into whatever feels safe and comfortable is important. And hard sometimes.

Now pain is another signal in my book. I don't think I'd describe any of the most painful parts of the above, such as burnout at the startup or crunch with the product work, as particularly good to sit with. The burnout was a hard signal that I needed to address my situation, the crunch was a painful but temporary thing due to not doing the project quite right. Neither of them were the useful kind of discomfort. I think my pain tolerance has mostly caused me to dwell too long in painful situations.

And that's a tricky part. I think you need to push into discomfort to make most of your progress. It certainly makes learning more memorable. You have to suck at drawing a lot to learn how to draw. You have to lift a lot of weights to get strong and good at lifting weights. You need to write a lot of shitty code to become a decent developer. And finding the line where things turn into pain, where you aren't enjoying it at all anymore or where you aren't even doing what you actually wanted, that's difficult. And since you never arrive, no skill is ever fully acquired, you aren't ever done with anything unless you choose to be, you either sit still in comfort or you walk a road of constant, manageable discomfort.

Wow, that didn't land in a very optimistic place. Fortunately, you can do both. I don't try to get good at video games right now. I simply play them to unwind, I mostly want the comfort there. I apply myself to being a parent (super uncomfortable, very rewarding), running my business and doing my job. That's where I put my effort and challenge my discomfort. Balance and moderation, you need to be comfortable somewhere. Macho isn't the thing.

So don't run screaming down a path of fire and spikes. It's not very sustainable.

Do you know comfort zone? Do you challenge it? Do you know your pain? Are you addressing it? If this thinking resonates or helps, feel free to reach out at lars@underjord.io or start a  conversation on Twitter where I'm @lawik.

Thank you for your attention, I appreciate it.

- Lars Wikman