Thanks to all the people that reached out and checked in with me. It was not my plan for the newsletter to make anyone worry. I feel like I have a handle on things but I also tend to share my feeling and thinking in a rather raw form through here. I'm good. The new weekly schedule is already bringing delight for both me, my kids and my wife and I have plans for a sustainable video pace off in February. Again, I'm good, things are well :)

I also ordered 10 Mango Pi MQ Pro... For my work. RISC-V, here we go. Supported by Nerves :)

Your system is a human away from collapse

There is this meme in the productivity world about making your bed every day. Like much of the productivity advice out there it can be a metaphor and paint a grand picture of potential. It is also intended to be taken quite literally.

Note: not all productivity advice is to be taken literally, "Eat the frog" is intended as metaphor, certain cultures did not get the memo.

There are many systems and habits I've had at times that have collapsed in recent years. The way I work where I habitually take very few breaks. The poor habit of lunch at the computer. Having a well-thought-out EDC (every-day carry, it's a thing). Going to the gym very regularly. Long showers. Shaving. Expressing myself with how I dress. Playing games in the evening (or at all).

It is not a depressive collapse into personal misery that has torn this stuff apart. It has been the introduction of a child in the family (and then another one). An absolute, ruthless and irrevocable shift in priorities happened at that point. Breaks now happen as this small human tears open my office door either because she is sad, angry or really wants to say hi before playing in the snow. I go into the house for lunch with the family now.

The EDC died because my commute is 30 seconds of walking and aside from my workday I rarely go anywhere. I have my every day stuff in the office. When we actually go somewhere it doesn't matter how smoothly I pack my headphones. It only matters whether I packed diapers and a snack.

Family life is where cool goes to die. Clearly.
I still ocassionally get to step it up for an after-work or meetup and I cherish those moments of getting to exercise my range.

Anything that used to happen like clockwork is now dependent on whether everyone slept through the night, how breakfast works out and whether there are any emergencies. The schedule of the day has a shape but it requires slack and margin or it gets really tricky, really fast.

The small amount of alone-time I find in the evenings are not enough to go deep into a game. And also that's often not what I want to focus on. Lately I've been doing some open source.

I can mourn that incredibly independent self that wielded his time as if it belonged to him. But not very deeply. I also mourn the person that did climbing, Muay Thai, LARP, that hacked all night. I've been a lot of people that I'm mostly not anymore. This current person I am has a stunning warm feeling in his heart multiple times a day, plays a lot more, dances embarassingly frequently to really simple music and is generally tired and happy.

Systems are cool but the right human can wreck them any time.

I don't make my bed every morning because when I quietly slip out of it one of my favorite people in the whole world is still asleep in it.

I'm easy to reach at lars@underjord.io, on the delightful Mastodon fediverse as @lawik@fosstodon.org or still on Twitter via @lawik.

Thank you for your indulgence. I appreciate it.