Currently in the deep-frier:

• ElixirConf EU talk
  • Prototype talk at Elixir Community Krakow meetup, 16th of March.
  • Nervous? Quite :)
• Video update:
  • WiFi interference ruined the audio of an intro, an outro, as well as all the screencasting
  • Ruined parts have been re-recorded
  • The people responsible have been sacked
  • It is now being edited. Again. A bit delayed.
• Next video script, currently in research, hopefully not delayed by above stupidity
• Prepare a lecture for the local bootcamp-thingy campus, bunch of .Net folks, wtf? 💜

In spite of my best efforts?

There are things that I find difficult to do but am highly motivated to overcome. Technical challenges, being a good boss, being a good consultant in many different facets. I fail, I strive, I grow, I overcome. There are other things I find fundamentally hard to do and where motivation doesn't come nearly so easily. These come back. Over and over again.

I was hit with a recurrence of this just recently. My wife and I have very different ways of socializing, hanging out, spending time. She prefers a low-intensity, sit-and-chat, whatever comes up. She needs space to express her needs and desires. I benefit immensely from spending this type of time as well and enjoy it when we do. I am terrible at making it happen. I always have been. If there is one big impedance mismatch in the relationship, it is probably this.

My default operating mode tends to be that my brain goes full bore on ideas, projects, doing, doing, doing. This is probably a habit from long periods of pressures to produce under stress and likely has just worked deep grooves into my brain. I don't feel stressed. I think I generally don't appear stressed. I just do things, as if my life depended on it. I don't mind this for myself. I mind when it gets in the way of others.

From my professional perspective I'm apparently "crushing it" right now. I am connecting with great, fun, competent people. I'm invited to share what I'm passionate about. People ask me to teach, entertain and build. I'm gainfully employed in my own business which supports my family and six other people. I'm proud of what I do. I get to leverage my skills to a high degree every day. I get to seek out challenges and try interesting things on them.

I'm currently on a 40 hour work week and have zero commute. With two children that are quite young (9 months and almost 3 years respectively) all the time I'm at home tends to be absorbed by them and their logistics. It is difficult to find time for us to spend that time. And it competes with my desire to sit down and turn my brain off for a bit before sleeping.

I am not asking about marriage advice from you, dear reader. We are working on it. I'm doing what I always do which is share a bit more than is typically wise about how my life operates in the hope that it is resonant and helpful to someone. It tends to be, or so you all tell me.

It has been a reminder for me that success in one end of life doesn't balance out deficits in other ends. You can't average them out. No amount of conference talks will make my loved ones feel more attended to. We lose the parts of your life that we let fall for too long. We will end up with less life. I think one wants to be intentional about what surface-area of life to cut. Shitty family? Okay, maybe cut that. Hobby not serving you anymore? Okay, maybe cut that. If you can avoid letting them deteriorate, that's better.

And there is no life hack. It is about priorities. Where you spend time and effort. Putting in serious work, at work, is easy-town for me. Me sitting quietly and drink a cup of tea with a loved one is apparently quite difficult. That's embarassing to admit. I don't think I'm alone in finding that challenging though.

Are you suffering a fool like me in your relationships or perhaps you share my difficulties? Feel free to email or fediverse via lars@underjord.io or as @lawik@fosstodon.org.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate you spending your attention here.