I'll be at Öredev next week presenting my talk Keeping Secrets in your Opponent's Hands.

I hope you are either there or at Code BEAM Europe. There is a special Nerves event for you to enjoy. Gus does a Nerves training during the conference as well. Berlin is always a good time and Code BEAM is great.

Finding the Fit

I had a lovely conversation with a peer in the Elixir community recently where I got to share some of my thoughts on how to find your way.

Depending on how the wiring in your brain looks and whatever patches, breaks and fixes you've had over the years you'll have different capabilities than other people. I was very shy and risk-averse as a kid. That seemed to turn around as I grew into my teens. To a large extent facilitated by the massive trauma of my father dying. I've mentioned this before. It is not a raw open wound. It was around 28 years ago. But it changed my perception of risk at a very formative age.

I didn't become a sky-diver or adrenaline junky because I wasn't exposed to that type of thing at all but I did start taking bigger swings socially. And over the last 15 years I've learned to lean into discomfort and to go where I only barely dare. Try things. Push myself.

This has led me to discover more things about myself and what I do well. Also what I struggle with. I've tried stuff. Some stuff is easy for me and I enjoy it. Like writing. Some stuff is challenging but keeps me interested. Like low-level dev work and hardware security, currently. Other stuff is very satisfying but quite demanding. For example speaking at conferences.

And then some of the things I do just give me exposure to things I enjoy and appreciate. They are a side-effect of the doing. Meeting people, gathering the community, making friends, finding peers, sharing the enthusiasms we have. This is incredibly valuable but I don't do that for it's own sake. Not quite how I'm wired.

Some people make very clear delineations between work and life. I mostly play it differently. I want my life, work and interests to harmonize, interact and have meaningful exchange. If I enjoy what I am doing at work I am a happier husband and father. If my home life is good I tend to do better at work. When the two end up in heavy tension I feel miserable. And of course that happens. Time and attention are hard constraints.

Goatmire was an almost idealized example of the life I'm trying to build for myself. My wife, local friends and the town I live in got to integrate with my global peer group that I enjoy working with so much. It was a highly connected exchange of my life, my work and my hobby, interests, purpose. I never know what to call it. Open source, community, that stuff. It is part of my work because I've worked to make it so but it is not all work either.

In many ways I feel I've found my place. It shifts and changes. I am not static and neither is the community I enjoy. But I like what I've built and right now it is also leading to sustainable amounts of work that I really enjoy. It all intermingles. Mostly in harmony. It is not the still balance I think most people imagine when they think of a balanced life. It feels more like the balance of a mountain ridge. I'm not teetering to immediately fall over but it is an active, continuous balance.

Work, life and other endeavours are never really static. I think it makes sense, especially for a restless person like myself, to not try and achieve balance through passive means. And if you feel like your life throws you heavily between extremes, maybe think about whether separation or integration would be more beneficial. Assuming you have to maintain balance. What kind of balancing act do you want? You answer might be different. That's great.

Thank you for reading, I appreciate it.