The last livestream was great. We unboxed the Raspberry Pi 400 and put Nerves on it. Good activity in chat and we did some neat things I think.

I haven't received any of the displays I ordered yet and I'm not in the mood to do the remaining work on my eInk gadget on stream. So I have in my head that I'll try to have a couple of Pi Zero's with Nerves attempt to discover on another over mDNS and set up an Erlang cluster. That should allow us to do some fun stuff I reckon. Stream on the YouTube channel at 15.00 CEST. Don't miss it :)

The latest BEAM Radio episode talks about what more we could possibly need in Elixir land.

Mindfully taking responsibility

I had an impromptu child-wrangling session this morning. She has started sleeping later and it threw a wrench into my wife's plans for the morning and suffice to say I spent an hour or so extra with my daughter rather than writing this newsletter just then. Nothing arduous or strange about that. However, I wasn't quite in that mind space, I had a podcast in one  ear and tried to do some kitchen stuff while my daughter was doing her thing running around jabbering and waving her stuffed bear around. I was a bit frustrated that I wasn't getting on with my day and plans and I was getting more frustrated as I tried to get things done in the kitchen.

This is a typical moment for me when what I'm dealing with isn't what I intended to be dealing with and I'm not at all in the right gear for my surroundings. I typically happens when plans change but can just as well happen if I can't shift gears on my way home from work.

I don't want to be frustrated with my kid. I don't want to be frustrated with doing dishes. I don't want to be frustrated with my work. But they can all be frustrating.

This morning, taking a breath, I realized I was doing a bad job at the only thing I really needed to do this morning. I stopped the podcast, put away the earbud and sat down to spend proper time with my daughter. And choosing to do just the one thing made most of the background buzz and frustration fade. We hung out, we read books, juggled bears, hid some wooden animals. My wife finished up her admin work and the day resumed with me going to the office (20 meters).

I know this about myself but I also have to constantly revisit it. If I can focus on just doing the thing in front of me it typically won't be bad. If I half-ass cooking, half-ass the dishes, half-ass talking to my wife, half-ass thinking about working I'm trying to do multiple asses of intent but producing about 0.5/4, so 0.125 ass? Is that the kind of ass I want? I want to whole-ass the things I do.

Breaking out of whatever auto-focus I'm on by default and setting myself to the here and now is a constant practice for me. I tend to fill space and void with activity and stimuli. That's usually not helpful. Being intentional and taking ownership of the thing you are doing requires breathing room, mental space, moments of reflection.

I like cooking. When I'm actually trying to do something, not just throwing together something quick because I have to.

I like tidying up the kitchen. At least when I can do it properly, that can also be good podcast time because those co-exist well for me.

I like spending time with people. But I'm bad at settling into it and easily get distracted by "more interesting" things before I get to the interesting part of spending time together.

I can even enjoy or appreciate doing work I typically dislike assuming I can actually sit down and do it well, with sufficient time and focus. Some things come easy and some things come to me harder. But all things benefit from when I let them take the mental space and time they actually require.

Spending quality time is a thing right? I like quality time. In many different areas.

I will say, there is a limit to how much I can do this kind of thing. It requires more of me to refocus and be intentional than it does to just default myself through things. When I'm tired in the evening it is much harder to be an intentional husband and spend quality time than it is in the morning for me. I just want carbs and entertainment after 5 PM. But I try to do better :)

Do you manage to focus and be intentional? Do you recognize the feeling? I'm curious what you think and you can let me know at lars@underjord.io or on Twitter where I'm @lawik.

Thanks for reading, I appreciate it.

- Lars Wikman